I cannot trust him with my child

I met my daughter's father in 2007. We met online and he spun a tale of problematic marriage and wanting out. I became his friend. He informed me he was married with two children but was hoping to divorce and find his own way in life again as long as he could still see his children, whom were the only reason the marriage was continuing as it had. We were friends for months online and on the phone but never met. Finally in March of 2008, we met after I had moved from my parent's home due to personal reasons and relocated to another town. I asked him to help me move and unpack. We finally met and this time we got physical. It was once time and was nothing romantically driven but emotional from stress on both parts. Afterwards, he proceeds to admit it was all a fraudulant story and he never intended to leave his wife or children. I told him to leave and never come back. Two weeks later, I was very sick and found out I was pregnant.

I made every effort to contact him. His first response was that he did not believe me and I was blackmailing him. I continued to try to contact him as well as did my friends. Nothing. He finally started emailing saying he did not want the child, had no time. He offered to take care of things out of court by paying me off. He was very avoidant of responsibility. I continued through the pregnancy to send updates about the baby. I attempted at one point to contact his wife as a last resort not to tell on him but ask for help and NEVER money. I have all the email records, all 93 printed pages over the course of my pregnancy. He was absent to talk for months. MY daughter is born 12/10/2008. I told him within a week as I was in the hospital and had a c-section. He had given me no phone number so emails were my only option. Again, he said wanted to think things over but never offered help. I asked for him and his family to just see her as I didn't want her to not know her family.

He refused rudely. Finally courts require us to come in for a support hearing. He shows up with a lawyer and his wife (whom he just now had told about the affair) and wants to get full custody of the baby-out of nowhere! He hasn't spoken to me except through email for months! I was at that moment filing for disability for degenerative disc disease and was self-employed as a live in nanny for a friend. I have one older child. He brings up the fact that he questions my financial ability to care for the child even though she is dressed to the nines in hilfiger and well kept. I have always cared for my older child whom he knew was well taken care of despite any other family issue I had personally. THe courts humiliate me asking why I was in college if I was filing for disability. He pushes for joint custody and a name change. I refuse because I have had her almost 16 months by then and raised her with her brother whom of which had my last name and that was my wish for her.

I did agree to joint legal custody. He stated he worked for Sallie Mae and had health coverage making almost 600 every week I believe. I had full room/board for myself and kids and $200/month stipend to care for my children. The courts ordered him to pay $75 a week. We were to follow the IN guidelines for parenting time. This all occurred in April. He paid support until August. He then notified me two weeks after the fact that he QUIT his job, never gave me a reason. HE said support should be no issue but since I have not seen one dime. I now live about an hour away from him as we lived in the same city before. He has bought a $10 pack of diapers twice and one pair of $5 shoes for her in total that have come home. He does not like tot alk to me on the phone and only ever texts me so communication is broken horribly. We agreed after I moved in July of 2010 to meet halfway in Fairmount, IN which is between Kokomo and Muncie (our prospective homees).

I had no issue until the lack of support made it hard for me to front the bill for gas. I allowed him to see her 16 hrs a week for two months then moved to each weekend as my daughter had adjusted and he did care for her well. My problem now is that I cannot afford the gas to drive and he isn't paying support. He is married and his spouse is employed so there is money in the house. I am a single mother who moved home after a family death. I go to school full time and use my excess school money to care for my kids as I am still working on disability. MY mother who is financially secure aids me greatly but has refused to keep paying gas for me to drive to Fairmount when she feels he should front the gas at least or help me a bit with gas.

He has been rude in recent texts about my request to lower visitation to just one day a week which is STILL generous in time. I am offering now that if he would help with maybe $15-$20 a week for my gas I could still meet him halfway or if he'd get her both ways he would be able to visit all weekend w her. Also, his family is in my hometown, so his family trravels here often. I never go to Muncie where he lives as I have no reason. Another note is that he paid support from May 201 to August 2010 ONLY. Courts said because he was employed he could claim the child. He has only financially supported her for four months of her entire life.

MY mother is providing the roof over our heads and we have lived with her 6 months this year. She is requesitng she get to claim her. What can be done here? Since he is $1200 behind now, can he still claim her? He has refused to update his info to the child support office when he quit and when he recently moved. He has history of not paying bills and I have that proof as I bought the public records showing consistant civil cases for nonpayment of some kind.

What are my options? I want him to see her but just feel he should provide the transport as a compromise for not paying support at all. His order was modified once to $80/wk to pay arrears but he quit by then from his job. He never put my daughter on his insurance either. They bring her home in tattered or old clothes that are very poor...her hair is rarely done and he has brought her home sick three time without talking to me about her condition. His wife at one point attempted to talk to me about everything and stated he is in therapy and they are in family therapy for the affair and his depression sex addict problems? IDK He is a different kind of person. I know I am not perfect but I am in school, take care of my kids well, and make every effort to contact and communicate.

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Child Support Questions
by: Child Support America Team Member

Hello Triesha,

We have received your post and one of our child support specialists will respond via this thread shortly.

Take care,

Child Support Questions
by: Child Support America Team Member

Hello Triesha,

Thank you for sharing your situation. We do understand how difficult these circumstances can be. The first thing is you may want to consider going back to court to get a few things changed in the order. You can file yourself for just court costs and do not need an attorney. Call YOUR city family courts office and explain your situation. Ask for the necessary paperwork to go back into court for visitation issues. Most of this paperwork is accessible online. You can actually get it court ordered to meet halfway. Or you each drive one way. It sounds like he is unreasonable so therefore you need a new order.

About claiming your child on taxes. Who is court ordered to claim the child? You can also get this changed as well.( at the same time you go to court for the visitation issues) The courts may alternate years. One year you can claim her and the next he can. Also you can actually get it court ordered that if he is behind in child support then he cannot claim her at all that year. Again you can bring all of this up in court (by filing yourself) and get a new order.

Another option is if he is in the arrears you can get his income tax's offset. You can also get a lien placed on his bank accounts, property, cars etc. He can also have his drivers license suspended and passport canceled. Call your current child support caseworker and request that these things be done. Call daily if you need to until you see results. We wish you well and keep us posted.

CSA Staff

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