How do I establish child visitation out of state?

by Brandon D. Smith
(United States)

I have two daughters (7&10). They reside with their mother in New Jersey because their mother got married to a man that's in the military. They had to move to be closer to where he is stationed I guess. I don't have my own place and I rent out a room at my fiance's moms (with fiance) so to speak.

Now since their mother is married to a military guy and has lots of family to back her up financially, I feel that I would never be granted any kind of visitation. I tried to tell her that child support has nothing to do with visitation and if she wants financial help she needs to finish the paper work on her end and send it in to be processed. Anyhow, I never get to see my girls.

Their mom lets me see them once on Christmas and that's basically it. I have to call on her phone and any disagreement we have or discussion about them that we have usually goes sour and turns into a refusal on her end to let me have any kind of contact. More or less she runs the show and its getting old. I feel that since I don't have their own room in my own house for them to sleep in my ex will definitely say no to the idea of them visiting as she has before.

Plus she does not like my fiance for no real reason which she tells stories to our kids and mixes her feelings and pours it all out on our kids and that I feel is not right at all. Bottom line is that I would do anything to have visitation but am in fear of her financial capabilities versus my own. Hence she can hire a really good lawyer and I can't.

She would bring up things that I did in the past when we were together and try to make me seem very bad, which I am not. I work 10 hour days at my job and am advancing up the proverbial latter.

I am very different than I was when we were together. We grew up together starting a relationship from 17 & 15 so it is a huge difference in how my demeanor is from then. My actions are changed as well because I realize certain things in life have to chance and its time to man up and do what needs to be done.

I will eventually get a place with my fiance and her two girls and get married in the near future. I have come a long way from the struggles I have faced to the man that I have become today. I am doing my best to not argue with my girls mother but she seems to always have the upper hand because she pulls the financial and housing card as well as the lawyer card and I am always shut down and refused to have basically anything to do with them.

I don't know where I am supposed to start but I would like summer visits if anything. I am their dad and get shafted every summer and holiday because they have to visit so many people and I am last on the list and only get to see them maybe twice a year if I am lucky. I just need advise and a starting point because I am losing hope. Thanks for your time. Sincerely, Brandon D. Smith