Consequences Of Forgiving Child Support Arrears!

I live in Georgia, and have been divorced approximately 2 years; my Ex and I have 3 children. At the divorce hearing we requested that he pay no child support because his income is substantially less than mine.

The judge ordered $225 per month, and commented that I had the option not to collect it. My Ex has paid no child support at all; I pay all the kids health care costs, extracurricular activities, clothing, etc.

He pays for food while they are with him, and buys them clothing and shoes when he feels like it. I have not asked him to pay his child support, and don't intend to. I am fully capable of supporting my children- they lack for nothing.

Legal custody is joint, and I have primary physical custody. He does spend time with the kids; typically 2-3 overnights a week, including one weekend day. We have both been flexible about time with the kids, and encourage them to continue their relationships with all their grandparents.

He just bought a house not far from mine, which has been great since it means I don't have to drive so far to get them at the end of their visits with him.

About a year ago, he asked me if I would fill out receipts for the child support that he didn't pay, to make it look like he had paid it. I did not agree to do this. Yesterday he asked me if I could officially forgive the back child support, and do so annually.

At first I agreed to this verbally, but upon reflection I'm not keen on this idea, even though I'm not planning to ever go after him for the child support that the judge ordered. I just have a gut feeling that I'd regret it.

I want to remain on reasonably good terms with him, and I am concerned that backing out of what I agreed to verbally would not go well. What are some unintended consequences of such an arrangement (ie, tax ramifications, having to go thru the courts and draw attention to his lack of payments, etc) that I can draw to his attention to get him to drop the request?

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Consequences Of Forgiving Child Support Arrears!

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starstarstarstarstar 		arrangement
by: Anonymous

If you don't tell the courts then eventually he maybe held in contempt and go to jail

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starstarstarstarstar 		Forgiveness Is Divine!
by: Anonymous

I have to ask you if the reason you are afraid of writing the arrears off, is because if you wrote of the arrears, you might lose any control that you have over the situation? I am not asking this to offend, however, you stated that you share the children, the situation is amicable and that your ex makes a significant amount less than you and that your children want for nothing, So I have to ask you why you would hold the child support arrears as outstanding over your ex's head?

I am a Mother who has paid child support to my exfor the better part of 7 years, I paid him over $22,000 and owe him money in arrears that he is not willing to forgive, because he doesn't want to lose that control! Situations are different I understand that however, I honestly make a significant amount less than him, my children are grown and live outside his home. So why does he want the money? Because he needs the $300 a month? NO, it's because he is greedy, spiteful and a control freak. Just saying, maybe you ought to really consider the reasons why you are afraid to write it off and then consider finding out the facts regarding taxes and the other supposed reasons why you are afraid to write it off!

If he helps support, nurture and love your children, you don't need the money then why give him a hand, karma is a trip and well she can also be a blessing! What comes around goes around..........and what you put out, is what you get back! :-)
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starstarstarstarstar 		childsupport control or need
by: nancy

very very beautiful way to put it. I like your comment because of two facts. One it tries to detach emotions from reality (karma is real). Secondly it detaches legal questions of taxes etc from the larger question of control. My own personal feeling is that child support (its arrears in particular) are used as a means to demonize/belittle and subjugate the one who owes...(in short to show/display situational control).

If the father is paraticpating in the chilrens life, if he is in amicable terms with you. if he does not abuse the amicability what then is a woman/man to ask for? Control? Well the the previous commentor's insight, i say watch out for karms...neither technology or situational control can realy protect you from karma. to borow from the previous comment "what you put out is what you get"
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starstarstarstarstar 		Amen!
by: Anonymous

Thank you for agreeing, I truly feel that you and I put it perfectly and that bottom line is that the arrears in some cases are absolutely for the control and belittling of the non-custodial parent. And is certainly the fact in my situation and case.....although my situation is long, drawn out and a very sad outcome for both myself and my children, every situation is different and I believe in my case that my ex-husband will certainly get what is coming to him for seperating a Mother from her children and then turning around and using that power and control to continuously hurt me through out the years!

Bottom line, lose the control, liberate yourself and realize that the father in your case, obviously loves his children, your children want and need for nothing and move on with your life! Life is too short to harbor hurt and control because things didn't work out between you two!

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