Child Support Arrears And Fathers Rights

by JR "VIP Member".....................

My ex wife and I were divorced in 1999, finalized May 4th, 1999. First mistake was I got a cheap divorce, uncontested. The first page is about child support for 3 children. 500.00 month, second page stating she was responsible for the home we had, house payments, insurance, taxes. Visitation; reasonable as agreed upon both parties, because I work 24 hr shifts. Almost forgot I wanted joint custody however the lawyer/paralegal, which ever wrote the decree put down she had permanent custody of the kids and when I asked she told me that how they wrote it.

How young and stupid of me. Anyway 2 weeks went by and she remarried!! Yeah I was blown away but shouldn't have been surprised. I struggled to get help and I was told by several Lawyers I was just screwed. She married a guy in the ARMY. The next thing I know she let me know she and the kids are moving to Germany where he is stationed. I'm telling you that was the worst thing in my life besides watching them leave at the airport! My whole life ended as it felt. Now about a week before they left SHE begged for me not to take the kids away from her or try to stop her from going overseas.

Even said she didn't want anything from me just keep paying the house payments till she can do something with it. She never took over the house far as all the necessary paperwork or refinance. Now of course I told her I wouldn't do anything she was worried about but oh yes I was trying desperately!! She told me they would only be gone for a year and come back and live here. Never happened! Stayed in Germany for 2 1/2years then went to Seattle, Washington. for 2 years( while in Seattle my oldest son came to visit and remained here with me, at age 14.

After they went to Alabama for a short run then Korea and now Alaska for good! I made a visit to Germany to see my kids for a week. That was very hard emotionally to see how much they grew in hat short of time. I have made a visit every place to see them except Korea and Alaska. My daughter was 1 when they left and she?s 13 now, my other son is 16. Up until last year my ex and I have gotten along at least when she decided not to. Let?s be realistic here, I did what I had to with my ex as far as kissing up too her, to be able to talk to the kids.

She never understood the moral aspect of the whole thing! She has took the bond and the child hood away from me and you cannot get that back. As of last year I just told her how I felt and always felt and that didn't go over well. A lot of mudslinging, and that?s a whole other story i.e.; kids aren't yours, take everything you got, never see the kids again, and so on...Last August I received child support orders from Alaska and they started garnishment of $460 a month. Oh the house I was paying on for her I had no choice but to let it go last year.

Anyway I called to talk to her about this as adults on sept13th at 10:38 pm via cell. Her husband answered and he told me she was unavailable and hung up. THE ONLY CALL I HAVE MADE to try to talk to her. About a week later while I?m at the firehouse a deputy calls me over and hands me a protective order! Saying once I was served with support the harassing phone calls and threats where being made. Even went so far as saying I have come to every duty station and caused her physical harm! She also got an order on her own son that lives with me. I was blown away! Just a little about me, I?ve been in public service for nearly 15 years (paramedic/firefighter) and have an impeccable record and still do.

She has had arrest for domestic violence a few times. Public record. I have been dealing with this for all this time, in the mean time no help. Far as the child support they are taking 55% of my take home pay. They are saying I owe her $103,000with interest. I had no problem when they started taking monthly child support out of my check it is when they added on arrears that I cannot pay. When I paid on the house I did not even live in for ten years I still made the payments on the house per our verbal agreement. I have about a month to live of the rest of my credit card then my wife and kids are on the streets.

First I have no problem at all supporting my kids but we do have to live also. If I thought she was going to go back on what she said wow I would of done it different. Personally yes I?m pretty bitter about the system and rights as I feel I have NONE. I?m not trying to get pity by no means. And anything I said I will do lie detector or anything they want. Ive never got anyone to listen to me, not about the money as what everyone only care about, but the interest of the kids! She was allowed to take the kids out of my life where we wouldn't have that bond as a family should have.

I love my kids with all my heart! Before I forgot back in 2005 when they came through Ga. I did get my ex to meet me at a lawyer?s office to get my Son legal with me as how I said it. It was to get joint custody of the others and full with him. Well when she and her husband were explained that they jumped up acted out; as too the lawyer was having the law come there. They left and never came back on their way to Seattle. So that never got resolved. IM going to stop now or I will go on for pages.

I did fill out hardship paperwork and sent it in the Alaska cssd. If they can lower it so we can live that will be good. Comes down to should have got it in writing! Have to deal with it. I won?t to have rights and I'm at the end of the road. My daughter called me the other day which was great, sounds like a grown woman. She asked me if I could get her a plane ticket for her to come for the summer.

Can't explain how hard it was to say I just couldn't. She said she understood and that her mother wouldn't get her a ticket. Her mother wasn't home when she called. She won?t let me talk to them on the phone, computer, ect. I?m very TIRED, all these years without my kids and all alone to deal with this. I do appreciate the opportunity to be able to explain a little of my life. I'm not too optimistic any more, sorry. Thanks again, J

Comments for Child Support Arrears And Fathers Rights

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Don't Give Up! "VIP Member"................
by: Child Support America Team Member

Hello JR.,

Lee here.

I have emailed and sent your post over to one of our best child support and fathers rights specialist.

As a VIP member your your requests are always handled in a timely manner. You can expect a detailed reply with 72 hours or three business days.

I briefly read your story, and wanted to give you some encouragement as you await your main response. First of all, thank you for sharing it. As we help you, your story will help other fathers who are in similar situations.

Even though mistakes were made, you really seem to be caring father in-spite of not being able to see your kids throughout the years. I was also glad to see that your daughter was willing and wanting to see you this summer.

It's a great sign, so please don't give up if the visit doesn't work out this time. Anyhow, I just wanted to say thanks for being a caring father and hang in there. We here at Child Support America DO CARE about YOU and your situation.

Again, one of our specialist will be reviewing your story and get back with you shortley.

After that please continue to use this email thread when you have questions, or simply need to VENT!

Take care, and we will be back in touch....


JR V.I.P. Member
by: CSA Staff

Hello JR,

Wow! Thank you so much for sharing your situation. It will help so many other fathers who are at the end of their ropes. Be encouraged and please continue to fight not only for your children BUT for your legal rights! It is a shame how the children are used as "pawns" and we hear these stories so much.

The first thing is first. You stated that you received papers for a protection order. There should be a court date where you can go and fight the allegations BEFORE a CPO is placed on you. IT will be in your best interest to hire an attorney and FIGHT this. Your ex may be counting on you not showing up to the CPO hearing and they will automatically grant it for a no show. You have a right to fight her allegations and you should do so. It is also best that you hire an attorney some how to help you fight this. The charges sound bogus and you will want to not allow her to get away with this. That is the first MAJOR issue that needs to be addressed ASAP. If a CPO is placed on you that will include your children and you do not want this! You will not be able to see your kids if you have an active CPO. So please fight this!

You will also need to call the Child Support office and get an accurate print out of all of your payment records up to date. Since your back amount is so high you really should get an attorney to look into these high arrears amounts. But an attorney can also get a modification faster and possibly lower than the Child Support office. It is good that you filed for a modification/hardship BUT this back support amount could potentially be adjusted.

Was the house that you paid for in the divorce decree for you to pay? Make sure you have all of those receipts to show an attorney as proof that you paid this for her.

Is their a current visitation order? I understand that you said she received FULL custody of the children. BUT what was the visitation order placed for you in the decree? If there were an order is she in contempt for denying you visitation? If so you can charge her with contempt.

If there was no visitation order placed than you do need to get one in place. Even though they live in Alaska you are entitled to visitation AND it can be ordered that your ex pay half of the travel expenses because SHE chose to move out of state. An attorney could actually handle both the child support amounts and the visitation issues for you at the same time.

We understand that it does cost for an attorney. This is why so many non custodial parents get the bad end of the deals. We encourage you to FIGHT for your rights. You have a right to see your children regularly and have a reasonable support payment. You don't need to worry about CPO's and your ex not allowing you to talk to your children on the phone. When you get a court order, this tends to stop all of the games that the EX's try and play.

We encourage you and are wishing you the best in your situation!

CSA Staff

by: JR

I checked the mail one day and the CPO was in the mail box. Sure was and not hand delivered as i thought it suppose to. anyway the court date had aleady went by. I did talk to a lawyer and she told me that they didnt have any juristiction over me first place and told me just don thave any contact what so ever with her. So im sure the placed a order for a year. Far as the house, the decree stated she was responsible for the house payments,taxes and ins. I payed all those for 10 years.

I did call the bank and they can get receipts but it will cost 25 dollars a hour to look all those up..but if i comes down to it at least i know i can get them. And the visitations is on the decree as reasonable visitations as agreed upon both parties. Right now at this point im waiting any day i hope for the hardship response. I wont a lawyer badly however i cant tell you it is fianically impossible right now. I have went to our local legal aid/child support offices that offer free legal aid but of course NOT for family law. Thanks again ,JR

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