Child Support And Visitation Issues

by Jodi

Somebody help me!!!! I have a son out of wedlock and I had him in my care for 4 years!!! I paid all my hospital bills of 2500.00 and I also paid all his doctor's bills and childcare costs!!! his father agreed to pay me 50.00 a week and did for the first 6 months and then paid me 75.00 and a few times he didn't pay the first time was for 3 months and the 2nd time was for 6 months!!! and he was suppose to help me by watching his son but, he didn't!!!

There was a tragic incident in my life and I'm embarrassed to say this but, I began to abuse substances and child services gave my son to his father when he was 4 and he didn't even know his father because the only part of himself given to my son was the financial stated above!!! he didn't want a relationship with his son for his first 4 years I can count on my 10 fingers how many times he came by!!!

Now that the shoe is on the other foot and I AM NOW CLEAN FOR 3 YEARS!!!! I must pay 75.00 a week from the day he got custody, childcare costs, and doctor bills!!!! and I was told by the court appointed attorney that I can't get any credit for the costs that I paid during my 4 years!!!! Dr.bills, childcare costs and hospital bills for his birth I paid everything!!

I also have 3 other children and because they were in child protective services when this order was made I was told that I can't have it modified now that I am taking care of them once again!! I am completely buried in expenses and can barely keep up with the 75.00 a week when i am only getting minimum wage!!! and on top of all of this his father is not allowing me visitation!!!

I can't afford the court costs and I can't afford a lawyer!!! I do have a court order for visitation but, the CT court booklet on court procedures strongly urge people to get legal representation and to go it alone again???? WELL MAYBE THATS WHY I'M IN THIS MESS!!!!! I called legal aide but, because I had a live-in BF they go by his income and therefore I am not eligible!!! does anybody out there have any advice for me??? I miss my son

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Same Situation!
by: April

First let me congratulate you on your sobriety! 3 years is excellent, keep it up!!! I have 11 years on the 16th of April. I have to tell you that I am a mother that battled with some of the same issues in another state and now recently dealing with the arrears because my children are now grown. But needless to say, this journey is not going to be an easy one for you what-so-ever! You are not only dealing with the emotions of being a Mother without her children...You are also going to have to deal with the stigma of being an addict in recovery, and how society views "our kind" but you are probably feeling emotions of helplessness too...I just want you to know that you aren't alone! I too am dealing with this!

You say that you can't request a modification because your children were in state custody? I am unfamiliar with CT state law, however most states have a law that you can request modification every so many years because of change in circumstances. It appears that you are going to have to request for modification of parenting time and child support with the courts.

My ex-husband refused to allow me visitation with my children after I was clean and sober and there was a court order in place. I have just recently began to take charge of my situation because I am just plain sick and tired of being labeled the "dead beat parent" when in all actuality, I paid my child support for years, I tried to get my ex to allow me visitation and he wouldn't, but he sure would take my money!!!! I do take responsibility for what I am responsible for....and I DID make some poor choices, but instead of fighting, I chose to lay down and let the ex-husband walk all over me and let him and society label me whatever they felt justified to label me as....It's my time to fight! When do I stop paying for the mistakes in my life and just live?

If your ex is failing to meet the obligations of a court order for visitation, then he may be found in contempt of court. However, I petitioned the courts over and over, and without legal representation, everything fell on deaf ears! But your case may be different.... I don't know....all I know is that I lost 10 years with my children and I am still paying this man after 16 years! One thing I urge you to NOT what I did and feel helpless and a victim to the system! Stand up and let your voice be heard....Petition the courts... Call and get advice from attorney's and see this through...for your sake and your children's! They deserve to have you in their lives, but only if you are clean and sober and are willing to give them the care, love and attention that they deserve...this is a battle that you are going to have to be strong and diligent in....I am in the throws of it...and it's extremely confusing, frustrating and a hard one to accomplish!

From one woman to another....Good luck to ya Sistah! I hope nothing but the most positive outcome for you and your babies!

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