Boyfriend has a bad child support situation

by Lyn

This is a very long story. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years now, after his (still married) wife forcibly kicked him out of the house. We met 6 months after she kicked him out. He has paid her cash every week ($400 a month) for child support for their daughter, with a few exceptions here and there when he just didn't have it, and diligently caught it up as soon as he was able.

He also maintains medical insurance through his work for both her and his daughter (which is the only reason they have not filed for divorce yet). Please understand that his desire to pay the support is not the issue here. He wants to pay it, but he doesn't want to have to deal with her anymore. She will text or show up at the door and yell and cuss at him, and then threaten to get him fired from his job if he doesn't pay it immediately.

She even threatened to have me drug tested (I haven't touched a drug in 15 years) 2 nights ago if we don't pay it by Sunday. We are financially strapped right now, but will be able to catch the missed payment up over the next 2 weeks and make the regular payments no problem.

She is absolutely refusing to accept that we don't have the money and told my boyfriend to get it from my son if he has to or she will have to go through the state. He is fed up and stressed out and I am EXTREMELY ANGRY.

I have been trying to figure out what we can do to get the payments set up to be automatically deducted from his paychecks (which is what he wants to do) and sent to her, so she has no reason to contact him anymore and be done with that. The problem that I am running into is that there is plenty of information for the custodial parent trying to get support, but nothing for the noncustodial parent trying to set up court ordered child support.

Everything I read just seems to make the noncustodial parent a terrible parent dead set on beating the system, and he really isn't. He's paid the support, voluntarily for over 2 years, he even paid extra for about a year while she was going to school to help offset some of her expenses. This is what he gets for it. I'm afraid that if we let her do it, he will start out with arrearages for the past 2 years because he's paid her cash, and that would just suck. He doesn't deserve that.

The way it stands right now, we are supposed to give her the money on Sunday (which we wont have until Thursday) or she will call his employer and cause problems, try to get me or both of us drug tested (not an issue, just an inconvenience) and go to the state to get child support. I told her to do what she needed to do, but our hands are tied (which seems to be the way she likes it).

So, Monday, if she follows through with her threat, she will contact DHS and get the process going with court ordered Child Support. In the meantime, we plan to put the amount he has been giving to her, into a savings account with his daughter's name on it (if that is even possible) but not giving her a dime more. She has cost us far more than the $400 a month he agreed to over the past 2 years so we are ready to just be done with her peirod.

Linking her paypal account to his checking account without his permission, and then called and yelled at him because she had to pay all of it back (It cost us $700 because it bounced all of our checks for bills for the month before we figured out what had happened). He didn't even press charges, just closed the account and opened a new one because he didn't want his daughter's mom to go to jail. I looked the other way.

This time, she went too far and he is willing to sacrifice what little time he gets with his daughter already, to just not have to deal with her mother anymore. What can I do to help him with this? Any advice will be appreciated.

Comments for Boyfriend has a bad child support situation

Click here to add your own comments

Child Support
by: Anonymous

If she went the CS system he will be in arrears for those two years. If he is going to be paying her he should do it through a money order. I have another suggestion he can do, but would rather not put it on here. Once he files for the divorce they will force him to pay those arrears. Medicalc support will still have to be provided for his daughter but not the soon to be ex wife. If you have any other quesitons feel free to email at

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Fathers Rights Questions.